Corporate Learning Series - 2/ Diary of an MBA

July 26th

I can't hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!! And I like it already.

"Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice Chairman - Manufacturing". My dad

was

thrilled when he heard my designation.

"What the f!@#!!!" were his exact words. Oh I love it when my parents are

happy...

Need to meet HR in half an hour. I can't wait to get my first Employee ID

Card and cubicle. I hope Parthasarathy Whatayblouse Crappers (PWC) is

the

beginning of great things.

P.S. I have brought my favourite textbooks back from the institute OD, OM

and HR should help me grow rapidly in the organization. And I will handle

soft issues before facing hard issues here at PWC.

July 28th

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had recruited me had left

a month ago. So they didn't know I was joining. We had a hearty laugh

over

that one.

I'll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time being I am sharing a

nice one with Claire. She's with Corporate Communication.

The phone doesn't work though...

August 2nd

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Met my boss today. He spent a lot of time with my CV and then asked me

how

I managed to get a job with them. (Even he knows how lucky they are to

get

me..) He told me to review our material ordering system in the err...

umm... the... the "big yellow and blue noisy machine section" of the

plant.

Claire is working on an "Our Employees Love Us" campaign. The office

boy

had just resigned. So she got me to pose with an apron and a tray of

cookies for a photo. They are going to call me Ramon and use it for ads. I

am going to be famous.

August 7th

My first breakthrough. I have decided to order nickel ball bearings using

the EQO.. QEO... whatever formula. It takes into account item cost,

holding cost and weight of ball bearing I think. The purchase guy gave me

a funny look when he saw my annual requisition contract form. He is

obviously not an MBA...

Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the "Our Employees Love

Us" campaign.

P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of a ball bearing. It

has to be in whole numbers.

August 11th

I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I checked up with

Engineering. They said that should be enough for around 14 years of

requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest in a cupboard in my

room. If prices of ball bearings go up, I see a lot of potential savings.

I have decided to develop informal channels of communication. From

tomorrow I will spend a little time next to the coffee machine to

understand the unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.

(That OD book is good)

August 14th

I sent my first official letter today. It was to our Facilities manager

Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I told her that the Coffee Machine takes

too much time to reheat between refills. Wrote it in a WAC format and all

with a table of contents and everything. She is sure going to be

impressed!! I spell checked it in MS word and emailed it to her an hour

ago. No reply yet.

They scrapped the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign. The photo shoot

was

taking up too much time, and people were being forced to stay late without

extra pay. Someone finally went and vandalised the banner. It now reads

"Our Employers Shove Us". I offered to model for all the snaps and videos.

They called me a dickhead. I was delighted. Dickhead is internal slang for

"Big Stud". HR told me. Everyone calls me that...

P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again 4384. The contract

can't be changed now. I don't have too much space left in my cupboard.

August 25th

My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from Merry. "Please

proofread" it said. It was CC'd to my boss. How was I supposed to know

MS

Word would spell check her name and change it to Merry Lesbian????!!!!

Where's natural justice?

Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard door broke open. It took

me ten minutes to pick up all the ball bearings from the floor. I had to

run to the board room for the meeting and slipped on a bearing which

rolled under the door. I fell on the coffee machine and tipped coffee

powder into the polymer mixing matching tray. No one saw anything.

P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed. There was a mail from

an old friend. She's now married into the Welchia family I think.

Crashed after that. Strange name that Welchia...

September 2nd

My boss told me I may not last the probation period. I was mighty thrilled

to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent in less than three months!!

That should be some sort of company record.

I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some 300 people were

there. I think I sent good vibes. Everyone was smiling and nodding their

heads during the presentation. Someone later told me my fly was open the

whole time. But I don't think anyone noticed. The presentation was on "An

Open Culture: Let the feeling show!!"

p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give each employee a ball

bearing for every year of service. The HR manager immediately convened

a

meeting with my boss. Every suggestion counts here at PWC.

September 4th

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan Africa . I will be

heading the Room Heater and Hot Water Geyser products division.

They have

also told me to pay for all the ball bearings I bought. I think it speaks

much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have been told to leave immediately

for Kujumbinana.

P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!

September 5th

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am in Kujumbinana. We don't have a branch here...