Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Orphans Get Commented on Eyes , Nose Lips ! Paid Ugly Duckling is also Cute.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Corporate Learning Series/ Communiations
> company initiates a mail to invite his staff to witness an eclipse and
> how his message is passed by employees at different levels in the
> hierarchy and finally how it reaches to the staff...
>
> Mail from CEO to General Manager:
>
> Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is
> when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is
> something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for
> employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in
> the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech
> introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information.
> Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
>
> Mail from General Manager to Department Head:
>
> Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This
> will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for
> two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
> The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some
> information. This not something that can be seen everyday.
>
> Mail from Dept. Head to Floor Manager:
>
> The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear
> for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that
> cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or
> eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
>
> Mail from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
>
> Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will
> eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It
> will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.
>
> Mail from Supervisor to Staff:
>
> Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It
> is a pity, this doesn't happen everyday.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Corporate Lingo.
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
2. Noted and returned.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning: It's your headache now.
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.
9. Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.
10. Please discuss.
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12. Please reply soon.
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.
Know The Natural Laws.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of ‘being watched’ is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tyre, the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have
a flat tyre.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were
in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Happens
every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower,
the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional
to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the
aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is
cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what
you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they
will stop making it.....
Experience Talks - Yarn Dyeing.
Corporate Learning Series / Dogs Life.
Value of Sales Experts .
Corporate Learning Series / Skill Sensors.
The corporation put around one hundred baseball balls in some particular order in a closed room with the room window open Then they send a group of two to three candidates of particular discipline into the room and locked it from outside They left them alone and came back after six hours, to analyzed the situation:
[1] If they were counting and recounting the number of balls - They were hired for the ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT
[3] If they were arranging the balls in some other order - They were hired for the PLANNING
[4] If they were throwing the balls at each other - They were hired for the OPERATIONS
[5] If they were sleeping - They were hired for the SECURITY
[6] If they had squashed the balls into pieces - They were hired for the INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
[7] If they were staring out of the window - They were hired for the EXPORT
[8] If they were sitting idle - They were hired for the HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT
[9] If they had thrown the balls out of the window - They were hired for the MATERIALS DEPT
[10] If they were clinging onto the balls - They were hired for the TREASURY
[11] If they said they had tried different combinations, yet not a ball had moved - They were hired for the SALES
[12] If they had already left for the day - They were hired for the MARKETING and finally
[13] If they were talking to each other and not a ball had moved - They were hired for the TOP MANAGEMENT
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Indian Textile Model
Monday, March 7, 2011
Value Enterpreunership
- Debottlenecking : In complex technological and professional issues, where decision making has to be guided through logical clean agreeable and implementable options with low cost and quick execution. In my own memory, I once changed the packing system of one of my clients and there was saving of 50% of its worker cost in packaging. Present it to the world and get rewarded.
- Change : The most hated thing within the Industry or for that matter in personal life of each of us. Because it brings anxiety, fear, disruption, uncertainty and sometime calamity. If only , one has a positive experience with any change and can quickly get the others to experience it without any risk, the value of such an experience is huge with any user industry.
- Value : The most fuzzy concept : There are different value needs at different stages of a business cycle and there are certain value needs at each time within the organization. If your experience is what will bring value to the organization at that particular stage of business cycle, it will get rewarded. Eg : Say, you are a specialist in the making of dyed FDY yarns or dyed Nylon yarns or dyed viscose yarns. Then this specialization , if well blogged and sited on the net will automatically get a revenue stream sooner or later by a company which suddenly finds orders for FDY yarns dyeing, but was always a specialist with spun yarn dyeing. Another Eg, if you are a civil engineer and you have experience with prefabricated structures and you blog and get sited enough on the net, then your experience is well automatically get fished.
- Design : This is one area, which has a scope of exponential business. If photographs can be sold online and drawings can be sold, then Design for machines, fabrics, garments , yarns, etc is a very large untapped market within the textile space.
- Technology : In Textiles, there is no machine technology. There is only an Operations Technology. If one can bring about major design changes to get a higher output and lower cost of production and has already physically done it in his own work place, then this know how has very large value. I have developed a Technology, where in yarns will now be dyed with only 25% of the total water currently used. It was just my own experience and observations and a few changes and I found that the industry has been missing something so simple and easy. There is always something around you, which the conditioned mind is not able to see, but if you break the barrier, the experience is waiting to get unloaded as the Technology input for major changes . A Turkish Engineer designed a Twisting machine, which does not need a spindle at all. No killing sound, no big power cost etc etc. A very unique invention, but if only he would have sold his idea and taken money for his patent and licensing, he would have been more famous and richer. Starting a Brick and Mortar company is not for professionals.
- Commercial Expertize : The whole world wants to know, if its sourcing cost is sensible or not. Only the best commercial managers have all the experience and idea on each of the product lines available in the market and the best possible prices. If only a material manager would exploit this on the web space and offer online consulting for USD1 per advise, he would still make millions of dollars. Lately I saw a company buy a machine at double the price which otherwise in India would have been bought for less then half. I would keep my mouth shut, but I pitied the owner of the company that a little global research and one will find , how different products get sold at different prices in different markets and if you are only aware of the bottom line of the price, then it is your negotiating skill to get the price.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Viscose Fibres or Eco Disaster . Ringing the Warning Bell.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Corporate Learning Series 14/ Entreprenuer.
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00 with donkey’s cost price of $100.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron...
In Third World, Kenny would most likely be a Politician !
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Corporate Learning Series - 13/ Wisdom
was used in cricket in 1874
and the first helmet
was used in 1974.
It took 100 years
for men to realize
that the brain
is also important ...........
Corporate Learning Series - 12/ Proposal Analytical Skills
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.
she responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Corporate Learning Series - 11/ Management Lessons
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
£800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"
Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up !!!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull5hit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Corporate Learning Series-10/ Donkey Job
Once upon a time a Washer man had two donkeys.
Let's say Donkey-A & Donkey-B.
Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other.
He always tried to attract the washer man by taking more load and walking fast in front of him. Donkey-B was innocent and behaved very normal, irrespective of the washer man's presence. After a period of time, Washer man started pressurizing Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. ; But Donkey-B was unable to walk fast and got punished by the washer man. Donkey B was tearful and requested Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other....we can carry equal load at normal speed ".
That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day he told the washer man that he can carry more load and he can run faster also.
Obviously happier, washer man looked at Donkey-B., got more angry and he started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with a smile, Donkey-A carried more load and started running fast. But it was breathtaking for Donkey-B and he couldn't act that way.....The washer man was very angry & frustrated, so he harassed Donkey-B terribly, and finally it fell down hopelessly.
Donkey-A felt very happy and elated and with more vigor started carrying more load with greater speed. But now the load of Donkey-B was also being carried by Donkey-A., and still it had to run fast. For some period he did, finally due to
fatigue he got tired and started feeling the pain. But washer man expected more from Donkey-A. He tried his best, but couldn't cope up with his owners demand. The Washer man got angry with Donkey-A also and started harassing to take more load... Donkey-A was sad and harassed and tried its best... but he couldn't meet the owner's satisfaction. Finally the day came when due to frustration the washer man killed Donkey-A and went searching for some other Donkey.
The moral of the Story in Corporate and social life is......,
"Consider all colleagues as equal and remember everybody is capable in their own way....
Always Share the Load equally.....
Don't ever act smart in front of your Boss and never try to get undur-credit. ..
Don't feel happy when
It doesn't matter if u r A or B, for the Boss u shall always be a DONKEY
And most important: Less Work Hard, More Work Clever...!!!